Letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

I never wrote to you very often when I could. Today would have been your 94th birthday and I am remembering those years when I probably didn't even send you a card. In your ultimate wisdom you knew that you gave Jennie and me life and more love than we deserved, but you never expected anything in return. I know that you were proud of us even when we let you down. I also totally underestimated your power over me and how deeply the lessons you taught were planted in my soul. Did I ever tell you that I owe more than my life to you and Dad. Probably not. I'm thoughtless in that way, but it is an understatement to say that your memory is always with me. It is so much more than that. YOU are always with me. Your gentle touch, your wisdom beyond anything taught in schools and your infinite compassion toward other people are ingrained DNA-like in my very being. Did I ever thank you for those gifts. Probably not. I had to learn the hard way that taking you for granted is probably the worst sin I ever committed.

Things have changed so much since you left us. Last week we had a virtual first birthday party for your great-granddaughter Nicole, Sharon's beautiful blessing who you never met. A thousand miles is nothing today as we can use computers to see the people we love and share precious moments like this. We shared the live video of her cake-smashing cuteness with her other grandparents in Illinois (you would really love Betty and Jim!) and her cousin Jacob in Pennsylvania. Yes, that little bundle you used to cuddle, John, has a son now who you never met but would love as much as you loved the rest of your children, grandchildren and just about everyone else you met. You left us with a strong sense of family love and we thank you for that gift of spirit as well. We are close, still there is a certain coldness in the lack of irreplaceable hugs among loved ones. I hurt to think of the hurt you must have felt when we only came by a few times a year to share hugs with you.

We are doing fine, but somehow I think you know that. Some people believe that departed saints are able to look down and see us and sometimes even help out with a thing or two. Others say that once a soul is in the presence of God earthly things are so insignificant that being there is reward enough. What do I believe? I know that your love is so strong for us that if there is any way possible for you to stay with us you would. I know you lingered on with us for one more day as your life ebbed away so that you wouldn't leave us on Jennie's birthday. I know you laughed when John locked the driver out of the family limo at the funeral home on the way to your burial when he was playing with the door locks. I know you wept for Sharon as you reached out a hand to welcome Rachael into eternity on the day she was born. I know you are with us now because I feel it!

I miss you, Mom. I love you and am sorry for not writing more often.

Love always,
Tommy